Thankful

Today I am thankful for this little guy

Since he has been born every aspect of my life has changed. I am thankful for the things he’s taught me. The lessons in love and humility. The lessons on patience and sacrifice. In the almost short five months this little guy has been on this planet my world has been rocked. He has taught me what it is to fully trust in the plan God has for me and, that despite the fact that I like to think I have it together, God truly is in control.
I’m thankful for his health, and I’m thankful for the warmth he brings to my heart. Praise Jesus for the opportunity that I have to be Noah’s mother. Praise Jesus.

Praise The Lord, praise The Lord, my soul
Psalm 146:1

Attitude of gratitude.

So a friend of mine whose blog you can visit here: http://as-for-my-house.blogspot.com/?m=1 has issued a challenge. One I am going to accept. It’s a challenge to write for the next thirty days about things you are thankful for.

I have a tendency sometimes to get lost in the mess of this world and forget that I have a savior who has blessed me with undeserved upon undeserved blessing. So for the next thirty days I invite YOU to walk this road with me. This path of thanksgiving and gratitude. And this path of recognizing that ALL good things come from Him.

So today I am thankful for laundry. As a daunting task as it may be some times to tackle the ever growing pile, I am thankful for it. I am thankful that, while there are people all over this earth without clothes I have been blessed enough to clothe myself and my son. And that we have more and I mean WAY more than enough. Praise Jesus.

every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the father of the heavenly lights , who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17

The one where I say goodbye to a lifelong friend

Man. Last week I had to say goodbye to my doggie Roxy. My best friend for 14 years. Now some of you may find it silly for me to blog about my dog, but she was so much more than that to me and my family. She was a Benthall. She was just as much a part of this family as I am.
We got roxy on Christmas of 1998. She was just a little ball of fur in a box. My sister immediately looked at my parents and said “can we keep her?!?” Of course, they said yes.
Since then roxy has brought much love and entertainment into our lives to say the least. She has been protective and loyal, and the best companion you could ask for. She was so good at loving us.

“A person can learn a lot from a dog, even a loopy one like ours. Marley taught me about living each day with unbridled exuberance and joy, about seizing the moment and following your heart. He taught me to appreciate the simple things-a walk in the woods, a fresh snowfall, a nap in a shaft of winter sunlight. And as he grew old and achy, he taught me about optimism in the face of adversity. Mostly, he taught me about friendship and selflessness and, above all else, unwavering loyalty.”
― John Grogan, Marley and Me: Life and Love With the World’s Worst Dog

I miss my roxy girl. I miss the way she used to follow me around when I would get ready in the morning. I miss the way she would nudge her head up under your hand for you to pet her. I miss her giving me a kiss when I asked (and ONLY when I asked) for one. I miss taking her for walks and I miss cuddling with her. And what I would give to be able to hear her snore again. 😉 I miss her understanding eyes when I would talk to her and she just listened. And I miss her just being there. And for Roxy: you were my first love, and best friend. You are still my oldest friend. I love you and miss you. I’m glad you’re not in pain anymore. You were so loving, so loyal, and true. You were the best. Rest in peace baby girl.

Yes, Jesus loves me.

A while back there was a blog I wrote about 50 things I wanted to teach Noah. Since then there have been a few items laid on my heart. A few things that go deeper than just being a good man.
I am determined that I will raise not only a good man, but a great husband and father, and a man who’s passion for loving Jesus comes above all else.
I will raise him to know that he should have to touch a woman’s soul before he ever touches her body.
I want him to know the worth of a person is not determined by their looks or the possessions they have, but by the fact that Jesus fearfully and wonderfully made them.
I want to teach him that he will lead his household. That his wife and children will look to him to provide for them.
I will teach him that, while a career is important it is not the most important thing.
I will teach Noah that no possession he can buy will make his son happier than him being at his football game or his daughters dance recital. (or softball game) 😉
I want to teach him that being kind will earn him way more friends than being “cool” will.
But mostly I just want to teach him about Jesus. About how there is no better father than the one we have in heaven, and about how God of this universe loves him infinitely more than anyone else ever will. I want him to believe, to the core of his being, that God makes NO mistakes and has a plan and a purpose for his life.
I also want to teach him to laugh. A LOT.
But mostly I want him to know this:

For God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten Son so that whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life.
John 3:16

Simple verse. Such depth in those words. What I want Noah to know is that it wasn’t nails that held Jesus to the cross. No, for Jesus could EASILY defeat nails. But what held him there was love. A love so deep that I don’t think my feeble mind will ever fully grasp hold of it. A love that redeems us and makes us spotless and whole. A love like no other. And he did it to have a relationship with us. With wretched ole me. He did it so that our lives could become less about religion and more about relationship, so that we could fall madly in love with our savior. Praise Jesus.
So may Noah know these things because he sees Jesus in me. May I be the best example of Christ that I can be. I will fall far from short, no doubt. Thank God for grace huh? And may he love because Christ first loved us.

18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 19 We love because he first loved us. 20 Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen.
1 John 4:18-20

this isn’t easy…

so for me this is not going to be easy. as I type these words my heart is literally beating so fast. FAST.

Psalm 30:2

O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you have healed me.

In my life there have been moments where I have felt lets say, less than beautiful, less than redeemed.

You see when I was seven years old I had a friend, a best friend in fact who I hung out with ALL the time. You see my friend had an older brother. Who one day while I was hanging out at her house while her parents were gone, molested me. phew. I said it.

What he did on that day has been something I have carried with me for my whole life. Don’t get me wrong I don’t sit and wallow in self pity, or say “why me?” It has just left me feeling less than whole at moments.

So I ran. As far as I could seeking answers in things totally opposite of Jesus. Popularity. Sports. Parties. Boys. Sex. I ran and I ran. And then one day I found out I was pregnant. This thing, this act of selfishness that this man committed, I carried with me for 13 years. 13 YEARS!

I have since been able to forgive him. It took a long time because I was harboring lots of anger about the situation for a long time.

2 Corinthians 5:18-19 All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.

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It has taken me a long time to be able to be able to look at the woman in the mirror and say “I am beautiful” “I am loved, and I am whole.”

and It wasn’t until the day I held my child in my arms that I knew what beauty was, what PERFECTION was. Somewhere along the way I lost sight of my savior. I lost sight of the Jesus I knew. The Jesus that made NO mistakes and created me and my son for a purpose.

I cannot be any more thankful for the birth of Noah. I daresay, in fact that without him being born, I would still be on a path of destruction. When I laid eyes on my sweet Noah I was reminded of the beauty and the grace of my Jesus. And I was reminded in that moment that this blessing, that made my heart jump with joy and just feel full, came from nowhere else but from Him.

Now don’t get me wrong. I have my days still. Where I’m reminded of the mistakes i’ve made. Days where life gets me down but then I am ALWAYS able to look at this bundle of joy the Lord has given me and I just sit in awe. That despite my shortcomings, and flaws, and just outright sin I get to be so blessed with this little boy the Lord has given me. That ONLY comes from a savior who gives life and gives it abundantly. A savior who forgives and forgets. A savior who doesn’t see what I’ve done but what I’m going to do.And I am always able to turn to a savior who loves and forgives me no matter what. And I thank the lord for that.

So I continue on this road, this road of healing. And Im so thankful that I have a loving savior like I do.

Isaiah 53:4-5

Surely he has borne our infirmities and carried our diseases; yet we accounted him stricken, struck down by God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the punishment that made us whole, and by his bruises we are whole.

My boy.

Noah is growing and learning new things every day. While he is only two and a half months old he has already grown and changed so much. He is SUCH a happy baby. He is great. Some new things I’ve learned about him are:

-He loves to smile.

-He always greets me with a smile. (this one makes me extra happy)

-He LOVES to splash in the bath. (bath time usually results in a change of clothes for me.)

-He doesn’t like to stay in one place too long. He likes to move around. A LOT.

-He loves to take a walk in his stroller. I think he’d let me stroll him all day if I could.

-He is a talker. I don’t know if this is good or bad. I’ll say its great for now 🙂

-Noah loves music and loves for me to sing to him. Which is great considering I’m usually told to hush while singing. haha.

-He loves his floor mat. We call it his gym. Its where he gets his exercize on.

-Noah would rather be outside than inside at any given moment.

-Noah spits up A LOT. This results in multiple outfit changes, for me as well. And LOTS of laundry.

-He isn’t upset by much. Unless he’s hungry, and God forbid you take his bottle away to burp him. (he gets it honest though)

I’m so blessed to have this little boy in my life. It is my true joy watching him grow and learn more everyday. I absolutely love being a mommy. And I look forward to watching him grow and learn even more.

There are days….

There are days. Days I struggle. Days I feel a lot more broken than beautiful. Days I feel a bit more damaged than redeemed. Days I feel more used than wanted.

And I thank the Lord that on days like those I have a savior who tells me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. A savior that tells me the scars of my past are covers by the scars in His hands and feet. And a savior that lets me rest in His saving grace and know that I am His. And so when I’m having days like those I can look at the cross and because of what He did know that I am no longer damaged. Broken. Ugly. Used. And know that I am healed. Beautiful. Redeemed. Praise the Lord.

crazy.

 

For all the truth that you made me see. For all the joy you brought to my life. For all the wrong that you made right. For every dream you made come true. For all the love I found in you, I’ll be forever thankful baby

– celine dion.

Those words could not be any more true. I will be forever thankful for this little boy. He brings such joy to my life. Its really something else, to be able to love somebody this much. I am so blessed. So incredibly blessed. Thank you Jesus.

I have been able to experience a whole new level of falling in love with my savior since Noah has been born. I tell you why: “For God so loved the world, that He sent his one and only Son, so that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.” -John 3:16 You see God did something I could never do. He sacrificed HIS SON, for the sins of the world. so that you and I could be forgiven. So that we didn’t have to endure the wrath of God. Its a picture of love that can never be touched.

I tell you now, there is no way I could ever do that. But thats one more reason God is God and I am not. (I’m sure we are ALL thankful for this) 🙂 but becoming a mother makes me understand his love for me a little bit more. Its such an incredible, undeserving, and unfailing kind of love. What a great picture of love He has laid out before us.

To whom this may concern…

To my future spouse. where ever you are, whoever you are. I am praying for you. there are things I pray for you all the time but here is a list of five major things I pray for you.

1. I pray that you will passionately love Jesus, above all else with all of your heart, soul, and strength.

2.I pray that you will walk in purity, integrity, and honesty.

3. I pray that you walk in humility.

4. I pray that you perservere in pursuing Christ. Proclaiming Jesus where ever you go always showing the love of Christ to others.

5.I pray that you know, rest, and rejoice who you are in Christ. i.e. new, forgiven, loved, clean, blameless, washed, and spotless.

I pray these things for you. That you may draw nearer and nearer to Christ everyday. So that ulitimately WE may draw nearer to Christ together. Amen.

Amazing Grace

2 Corinthians 12:9
⁹But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

So I will. May I boast in my weakness, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

I have made made choices in my life. Some good. Some bad. But all of those decisions have ultimately molded me into the person I am today. Some of those decisions have had bigger consequences than others. And some of those actions have led to some of the biggest blessings in my life. I am convinced that my God can turn any of my actions, any of my decisions -whether good or bad- take them and turn them into a way for me to glorify Him.

God has been able to take my sin and turn it into a way to glorify Him. Because of my sin, I now have the blessing of raising a son. A son that will know Jesus. That will know His love, His sacrifice, and His Grace. Now in no way am I justifying my sin. My actions went against what the bible tells us about marriage, love, and sex. My point is that no matter what I do. Jesus. Wins. So, I now have the opportunity to teach my son about Jesus. And what JOY that brings me. I get to teach him about a savior that  forgives so freely. A savior that paid the ultimate sacrifice for his sin. I get to teach him about a savior that is loving and just.

So may I draw closer to Jesus. In times of love, in times of pain and anguish, in times of question, and in times of joy and happiness. May I draw closer to him when I don’t have all of the answers. And may I ALWAYS praise His name, lead by example and reflect a life that looks like that of my Jesus. And may I always do these things so that Christ’s power will rest on me.